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No-Nonsense Techniques on Getting Over Heartbreak

Tired of reading stupid articles about “How to Get Over Her” or “How to Deal with Heartbreak”? Well me too. So I have used some of the techniques I read somewhere (forgot where sorry) and my own life experiences and intellect to write this for you. ​

Warning: This Article is not backed by any psychological study so don’t sue me if it doesn’t work. It works for everyone usually, 99 percent of the time ... 60 percent ... PS, I am pretty bad at math so meh. Tip number 1 - So this is going to be pretty hard. You are heartbroken, lonely as fudge (yes I said fudge, I am not sure if I am allowed to swear), and you feel sad as fudge. So what we gonna do? Using this tip is very hard because I am going to force you to try to control your emotions. It's like trying to control a three headed lion in heat, but it can be done. So the tip is….(Drum Roll)…. NO CONTACT POLICY. For 35 days don’t contact or reply to any texts, emails, calls, pigeon letter system stuff, owls, NOTHING from your EX!!! What does this do? Psychologically it trains your brain to live without your ex lover. My grandfather used to say, “If you are going to cut your hand off, cut it completely off, make sure there is nothing left in between." I don’t know why he ever said that. Tip number 2 - Now that you have completely severed ties from your ex, what are you gonna be doing these 35 days? Cry! Yes, I said it, CRY!!! Cry a lot. Make it a routine. Take your cellphone to the washroom, turn on sad break up songs and start crying in the shower. So everyday your morning shower includes shower from your eyes hue hue hue, get it? No? Keep crying every single day till you can’t cry anymore and you will just get a bit numb to the pain. Sorry this sounds very dark, but dark is good because Batman is dark and edgy. Tip Number 3 - After 35 days have been over, break your rule and contact your Ex. Write her/him a letter. Write a letter of how it has been for you for the last 35 days, but then write how you forgive her for what pain she/he has caused you, and wish them the very best. WHY?? WHY?? WHY?? Why would you write this to someone who broke your heart? Why does this shitty person deserve this? It's actually more for your own healing than her/his. Being bitter and apathetic does not feel nice, and having feelings of hate and confusion will distort your idea about relationships in general and basically screw your head a bit. We all have our flaws, nobody is perfect, everyone makes mistakes, so learn to forgive and don’t hold on to that bitterness. It's not good for you. Tip Number 4 - Move on, get new lovers, or don’t. Just do you. Don’t listen to anyone else other than yourself. Good luck! I wrote this in 20 mins. LOL, but hey at least it came straight from my HEART!

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