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How to “pick up” women or men in the club respectfully


Hey it’s your main man Mr.K, the womanizing Nutella addict here. I will be sharing some of my tips of how to impress the ladies and gentlemen at clubs, bars, sides of the roads, in dingy alleyways ... wherever you're chilling at basically. ​

​First I will tell you what NOT to do: 1. DON'T take advice from “Pick Up” gurus who teach “Hypnosis” techniques to “Pick up” women. I mean if you could really hypnotise people, I would be on a yacht sipping hot coco with Beyoncé. AM I ON A YACHT??? NO. So it's all a scam plus it's super creepy if you really think about it. 2. DON’T make some ridiculous ass excuse to talk to women like “Hey, me and my friend are having an argument over who lies more: Men or Women?” or “Hey, me and my friend are paleontologists and we are looking for dinosaur shit. Have you seen some around here, by the way, what is your name?” Seriously it's so pathetic. Women know why you are talking to them, so there is no point in making some elaborate scheme to try to talk to them. 3. DON’T be an asshole. Yeah, this is also just general life advice too. I am kinda lazy so I will just assume you know what it means to be an asshole. If you don’t you are probably an asshole. Now I will tell you what to do: 1. Tell them why you really want to start a conversation: “Hey, I was just chatting with my friends about some mundane garbage then I saw you and I thought that you looked absolutely adorable, so I just wanted to start a conversation with you to see if you are cool.” 2. I am not going to give you some elaborate formula of sentences or words to say to magically "MAKE WOMEN FALL IN LOVE WITH YOU in 10 MINUTES OR LESS.” I will tell you just to be yourself. Think about it: if she doesn’t like you for yourself, then is it really worth it? I mean, if you are a geek who loves video games and she is really not into it, is it worth it? Just think about it okay. So basically be yourself unless you are Kanye West.


Now some general advice on this topic:


1. Do not be afraid of rejection. A lot of men and women think “Oh if I ask her/him out she/he is going to slap me, then kick my groin, then tell everybody she/he knows that I am a pathetic ugly loser!!!!” Okay, they might not exactly think that, but you should see how nervous someone gets before asking someone out. The worst thing that will happen is the person will just say “no” and that’s it. The world did not explode and you did not get rabies. So a couple of rejections won’t hurt anything but break your already fragile self esteem, just kidding. (Starts crying in the background.) No seriously - rejection stings a bit, but you know what else stings? Being alone for the rest of your life because you are too afraid to get rejected.


2. It's okay to be nervous. I mean unless you are drunk or a sociopath, you will feel a little nervous when you are talking to someone you fancy.


3. Be honest, because nothing is sexier than being honest.


In conclusion, don’t be Kanye West and just be yourself unless you are Beyoncé then just be BEYONCÉ! Wait what?

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