Tired of your past making its way into the present? When you are just about to talk to that pretty girl, do you start remembering all those times girls rejected you and made fun of your “not that big nose”? When you think you found the one, do you start fearing that he/she will dump you for the dumbest reason just like the last one did? When you are just about to get into a relationship with that “cool guy”, do you start remembering how the last “cool guy” ended up being a serial killer who eats people and more importantly, always left the toilet seat up ON PURPOSE, WHAT A SOCIOPATH?! Or are you one those people who love and accept their past relationships and are happy with the present? GTFO of here. Just joking. Chill out. Send this to your friends who might not be in the best place. Heck send this to your friends because this article is entertaining. (I added that just in case someone gets this article and immediately says, “Hey, you sent me this article because you think I am unhappy? Do I look unhappy, HUH?! I just haven’t had my coffee and vodka mix for breakfast yet!”)
In order to let go of the past and be a happier person in spite of it, I have developed a three step action plan: let go of the past (duh), ditch the “bitch” in your head, and be a "happier bastard".
Step one: Let go of the past.
1. Accept the past.
Don’t try to deny it or pretend it never happened. It’s tempting to tell yourself “that never happened. I never got abused by my ex, he was just a bit rough.” Sorry to break it to you, but saying it didn’t happen might help you cope in the short term, but it’s best to accept these traumatic events as a part of your life. You can’t go back and change it, and you can’t remove it from your memory, so just accept it. It’s hard I know, but you’ll learn do to it eventually. No rush, this isn’t a race.
2. Forgive the people who wronged you.
Yes, this sounds like I copied this right out of the bible. If you know me, you would know I have a tendency to tell devout Christians that I am a Satanist just for shits and giggles. Well they shit bricks while I giggle. I am not religious at all, but this advice has helped religious and non-religious people alike: forgive people for their mistakes. There is no point in holding in the bitterness and hate, it just does not feel nice to be bitter. Trust me I tried it. If you can’t forgive others, how can you forgive yourself?
3. Forgive yourself.
Yes, write a letter to yourself. Write about how you forgive yourself. Make it very detailed. We do a lot of bad and stupid things, but it’s not because we are bad and stupid people. It’s because we are human. Cut yourself some slack, nobody is perfect. Beating yourself up over your past mistakes won’t make the mistakes go away, but learning from them and trying to avoid them in the future will have a positive impact on your life and future relationships.
4. Seek professional help.
If you have experienced a severe trauma like death of a loved one or rape, you need to seek a good therapist that can help you. Going to a therapist isn’t a sign of weakness; on the contrary, it’s a sign of courage. It’s quite courageous to admit you have a problem and to tell a stranger about your most personal issues in hopes of getting better. If you had a bad breakup and can’t cope, go to a therapist. No problem is too small or too big to seek professional help.
You can’t forget the past. I know you really wish you could but you can’t. But you can accept it and forgive. So take some time and forgive God or Probability or whatever you believe in.
Step two: Kill the negative cycle of thoughts or “Ditching the bitching”
My grandfather always used to say “Ditch the Bitch.” He didn’t mean women. He meant “ditch the complainers and pessimists.” Unfortunately, sometimes the complainers and pessimists are in our own heads, singing songs like: “You are ugleeeeeee. You have NO FRIENDS. You will ALSO go NOWHERE in LIIIIIIFFFFEEEE!!” Time to fire this bitch and hire Rihanna or someone cool to change the song in your head.
There is actually a scientific term for when your mind turns on itself and constantly hinders your happiness. It's called "Learned Helplessness", a psychology term that was coined by Martin Seligman in 1967. It basically means “throwing the towel”. You feel so powerless from all your failures and traumatic events that you just give up.
Here is how someone with a negative outlook may think after a break up:
I will never get over him. (Notice the word “never”)
I can’t live without him. (Notice the word “can’t”)
The whole breakup was all my fault. (Notice the phrase “all my fault”)
Here is how someone with a positive outlook may think after a break up:
It’s hard but I will get over this. It’s only temporary. (Notice the word “temporary”)
I miss him, but I have friends and family that can help me get through this. (Notice the word “can”)
The whole breakup was both of our faults. (Notice the word “our”)
Notice how the negative-thinking person tends to over-generalize his/her thoughts and ends up blaming him or herself. If you see yourself as the person with the negative outlook, try changing how you see the situation. It will take effort and hard work, but the results at the end are totally worth it. You can’t change what happened, but you can change your outlook on it.
There is no surefire way to know if someone is “The One”, but constantly fearing that he/she might cheat on you is not really fair to him/her. Nobody deserves that kind of treatment. He is not your ex and the “all guys are the same” line is BS. Have you met my grandpa?
Some of my friends say to me, “Man, I am tired of asking out girls and getting rejected. My heart can’t take it anymore. No girl ever likes me. I give up.”
Well in the dating world there is a saying: “The more rejects you get, the closer you are to getting to a ‘yes’.” It’s quite true, believe me. So ask away. Screw your ego. I approach women in dingy alleyways who don’t know me at all, so I am no stranger to rejection. I won’t lie and say that rejection doesn’t hurt. It hurts just for a while. But when you find that awesome person that says “yes”, the pain of the rejection is nothing compared to the joy you get from the relationship.
If you don’t ask the person out, he/she is not rejecting you. You are rejecting yourself, which is the second saddest thing in the world, the first saddest thing being the point in the story when the dog dies. Honestly, I never have an emotional reaction when people die in movies, probably because I hate people, ah going off topic here. Anyways, just do it. Ask her out. The same principle can be applied for jobs. Don’t get discouraged by the rejections.
Step three: Be a happier bastard.
1. Act cheerier.
Act like you are having fun then you will trick your mind into actually having fun. The opposite works as well. When I am reading something particularly boring for school, I pretend it’s the most interesting thing ever and it doesn’t feel that boring. But hey, this method has its limitations. If you just got mugged, you don’t have to be all cheery: “"I just got mugged it was the worst experience of my life, ayyyyyy!" Some things are just sad, but if you have a wacky sense of humour, go ahead and make people feel awkward.
2. Think of three things you appreciate before you go to bed.
Had an awesome meal? Take some time to appreciate it. Had an awesome masturbation session? Take some time to appreciate how awesome the human body is. Hey, you can even say, “I appreciate my boobs, they are gorgeous!” before going to sleep. It can be literally anything, anything you are thankful for.
3. Do some exercise.
Yeah man, get outside and jump up and down like a monkey on meth. Run like a bird, dance, shake your booty, whatever man. As long as it's some physical exercise, just do it. It releases endorphins that make you feel good (endorphins are some magic stuff in your body).
4. Don’t be a master of one, be a master of some.
The more complex you are, the more you can screw up and it won’t seem as bad. For instance, if I am just a writer and my book flops, I would be devastated; but if I am writer/father/musician/video gamer/dancer/gardener/good tree climber/ninja then I won’t be that devastated because being a writer does not define me as much.
5. Do your own thing no matter what other people say.
Your parents forcing you into a boring major? Fuck em. Your boss telling you to do your work that you don’t like? Fuck em (but don’t blame me if you get fired). Your stage manager telling you to not ad lib? Fu….My point is the more you feel control of your own life, the better you will feel. So make your own decisions. Too scared to make your own decisions? Do it anyway. Learn from your own mistakes. Instead of saying “Ah dammit I shouldn’t have gotten a degree in music just 'cause my father told me to,” say “Ah dammit I shouldn’t have gotten a degree in music" because getting a degree in music is never a good decision.
By the way, I really recommend the book “Happy At Last” by Richard O’ Connor. It's fantastic.
In Conclusion: Don't get a degree in music.
And I don’t believe that “everything happens for a reason”, but I do believe that things happen and people can accept what happened and eventually thrive. Somebody very special to me said, “Remember you are a survivor like me and you have choices in your life.” I think we should all remember that. Thanks Bubbie. Your words of wisdom inspired this article. Keep on rocking ;)
- Post by Aleef K., SExT Cast Member
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