We always say a variation of this in our love lives. If we meet someone awesome we say, "It was always meant to be!!!" But when the same person leaves us because we stepped on his Hello Kitty collection or some other stupid shit we say, "It was never meant to be *cry*". What the hell is this exactly?
A long time ago when I was 13, a girl came to our door to sell cookies. She was so funny and cute, I think I was in love (I was 13 okay, chill). Two minutes after she left, I started crying, "She will never come back!" Then my mom said, "If it's meant to be, it will be". She was implying that if the Universe or God or Shaka Zulu, means for that girl to meet me again, we will meet again and if not, well fuck me then it was never meant to be.
Basically the Universe and external forces control our destiny, not us, according to this logic. Even in high school and university, when I used to complain about being single for the last 18 to 19 years, people would just say, "Don't worry Aleef, it will happen when you least expect it. If it's meant to be it will happen." Not that I wasn't trying to get a girlfriend (I was), but I guess because of my repeated failures of trying to find a mate, I began to think: This is how it was "meant" to be. I will die alone. It's not like I had high standards or anything. I just wanted to talk to someone, hug them, kiss them, hold their hands, etc. I wasn't expecting a Victoria Secret model either, just a face that’s easy to look at.
Then some really terrible shit happened in my life, and I thought, "Okay, so these terrible things were 'meant' to happen and all that 'good' stuff wasn't meant to happen." I tried to make up reasons why the Universe decided to punish me. What could I have done? Just because I threw away the broccoli at dinner, I deserve a shitty life? Nothing was adding up here. Then I realized "Nothing is meant to be".
Sorry, to break your bubble this way. But this Universe and life don't give a shit about you. It literally does not care what you want. It couldn't give less than a fuck about you and your wants. Now what? What the hell can I do now? I can do everything now. If nothing is meant to be, then we make our own destinies. So that day, I decided to make my own damn luck. I said to myself, "I don't need luck, I will make my own luck!"
I started working on myself, got in shape, became more social, started going out more, opened up a few dating profiles, learned how to talk to women anywhere and anytime. So I tried, again and again. Till I met the most amazing girl ever. Then she became my girlfriend and we lived happily ever after (just kidding, she broke up with me and married her cousin NO JOKE). Ironically she told me, "It's not meant to be." The fact is that no relationship is "meant" to be. It’s the duty of the couple to work it out if that’s possible. She didn't think it was worth the effort so she left. And now I am stuck here writing this blog post all bitter and sad while she is shagging her cousin.
My point is, nothing in your life is "meant" to be. Nothing will come out of the sky suddenly. You need to put a decent amount of effort to get it. Whether it’s a relationship, job or experience, it is possible for you to get lucky here. You might randomly just get that job or guy that you always wanted, but for all the folks that don't have luck on our sides, we need to make our own goddamn luck if we have to.
We all know people who are literally gifted. Their acting, singing or what have you is amazing without them putting much effort into it. They can thank God, Harambe or the Universe for their talent, but what if you achieved the same level of mastery as these "gifted" people with sheer effort, training and willpower? It means that you honed this talent all by yourself despite the decision of the Universe not to give you that "gift". We don't need the universe to bestow upon us this "gift". We will develop our own "gift" through sweat, blood and tears. When you yourself achieve a level of mastery through pure effort and hard work, you should thank yourself and yourself only for your sheer will and tenacity. What is better: to be born with a talent, or to overcome your limited nature and achieve that talent through intense struggle against all odds?
"The harder you work the luckier you get." - Forgot Who Said This.
So stop waiting around for Mr. Right to come into your life! Go outside, go to bars, clubs , libraries, parties he might be there. Set up a bunch of dating profiles in as many sites as you can. Go to local events and talk to random people. Heck try JSwipe. It’s a ridiculous dating app that is only for Jewish people (works even if you ain't jewish). Stop waiting for Mr. Right to find you, GO FIND HIM. Who knows he might just be that boy you sold cookies to. Just don't forget to leave your number on that cookie, so he can call you and not think about it later and write some article after 8 years.
- Post by Aleef K., SExT Cast Member
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This is where we share our insights and stories about sex, healthy relationships, and getting our show from the rehearsal hall to opening night. Contributors include SExT collaborators and cast members.
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